


Better off alone

by orphan_account



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Songfic, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 20:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13220289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sometimes oxymoron personalities don't go well together as people like to imagine. And thinking that you could heal someone while you yourself are broken, then it's like the saying "If a blind person leads another blind one, they both would fall into a dark hole. "





	Better off alone

**Author's Note:**

> Song: don't need to pretend by Billy Talent

_Swimming in the dark, we're bound to drift apart_

With no clear vision, it is hard to live in a relationship which grew so shallow. They stopped keeping track of time, and soon they found themselves stuck at a dead end.

Everyday they live in together, they would just shut their senses off, living for the moment without a thought of the future. They would push their doubts away, suppressing the harsh reality. They would block out the truth that they are confronted with almost every moment they spend together: avoiding each others presence, looking away hastily whenever their eyes meet and putting effort to not make sounds when they're around each other.

Jesse spends a lot of time outside, and only returns to their shared apartment late at night. And Hanzo had learned not to ask after him anymore. The former heir of the Shimada Clan had always exaggerated his way of thinking, accusing Jesse for doing the worst of things when he's out, being delusional as he is convinced that the bounty hunter might be pulling his name through the dirt. But Jesse would never back stab him, even after the hurt he has to endure due to Hanzos sharp words that cut through his heart when they have their fights and disagreements.

_And I just can't go on, pretending we're in love_

 

"If you loved me, then you wouldn't pull this shit on me!" McCrees voice cracked. It was the first time he cried in front of Hanzo. Whenever they got into a fight, Hanzo would use Jesse's insecurities against him. It was a dirty move, very unhealthy for the two of them. Jesse wonders why he started to do that, for they both swore each other to respect and understand one another's past, reasons and habits, no matter how bad they were. Why did that have to change?

_We play with matches in the rain but never learn_

And every time they make up and forgive each other, they end up getting their feelings hurt again. It was an endless circle of hurt, trusting again just to be betrayed in the end.

_We try to light it but the fire never burns_

They manage to maintain their image, appearing to be a happy couple when they're among outsiders. Clearly it was just a matter of time until their 'oh so perfect' shell cracks and reveals the ugly inside of this relationship.

Even after an agreement to open up and talk about their worries, and what stands in their way to function as partners, they fail to maintain their cool and always return to a battle of vile words, targeting each others weaknesses. They didn't want to leave their bad habits behind, such as putting their pride before their well beings and shutting one another off.

But wasn't Jesse the one to give in? Wasn't he the first to swallow his pride just to make Hanzo feel good again and get it over with?

_You thought that love was just a casting call Well, it's our turn to quit before the curtains fall_

And soon they switched to other methods, in hope of solving their issues physically, thinking that it's nothing more but a hole needing to be filled, just a task to get it over with; their age acting up, fueling dissatisfaction that affected their minds.

They talked less and spent more time in bed, but even that turned into a toxic routine that they both eventually got sick of. Hanzo started to cringe at Jesse's touches, yell at him whenever the man would reach out to him, in attempt to comfort him when he's feeling down.

_Don't need to pretend to love me_

But the fear of being alone was far greater than their pain, it overshadowed their common sense completely. Jesse hates that he uses Hanzo just for a status. That he uses him to look pretty when he has someone like him, a Shimada, clinging to his arm and forcing a fancy smile whenever the words "this is my boyfriend..." ring to his ears.

_Don't need to pretend to want me_

And once they had figured out that their sole presence was pulling one another down, that they ruined every progress they made together and that their old habits either got worse or they developed new unhealthy coping mechanism. Their relationship could not be saved.

_You don't need to pretend to need me_

They were fools for believing in each other.

 

 _We're just not meant to be_  
  
Thinking-, no... wishing to help what's remained from themselves when they first met, they believed to understand the pain and background they shared. They thought that they could support and respect the way each one of them acted or thought, what they say and feel obligated to.  
  
_Am I wrong?_  
  
But Hanzo was a very troubled man.  
His inferiority complex was far too overwhelming for him to open up to others, or to be good to himself at best.  
  
_Am I right?_  
  
And Jesse made the mistake to trust that man. He made the mistake to become Hanzos emotional punching bag, while he himself had demons to fight.  
  
_Or have I lost my mind?_  
  
  
He couldn't take it anymore.  
And one time, when they got into a heated fight, Jesse snaps and shoots back at him with poisonous words.  
Not only did he bring Hanzo at the verge of tears, but he also had turned his back on the man he used to love for the first time, leaving him standing there.  
He was surprised of himself.  
  
_Now I dance around his heart, like an actor plays the part_  
  
Not even in their own sleep were they safe from each other.  
Jesses dreams were the same.  
He always found himself hovering over Hanzo, kissing his closed eye lids, trying to stop the tears from streaming.  
They kept flowing and flowing, soon flooding the floor of the small room. And while the nightmare goes worse, where he desperately tries to dry them away with his sleeves, ending up drowing in warm, salty water, he finally wakes with wet eyes.  
  
_I hit the stage and I get blinded by the lights_

  
  
And there, Hanzo watches helplessly how his partner returns to following bad rites, because of him.  
He always encounters the brunet man in a drunken state, which was a hell of a time. They barely saw each other anyway.  
  
Even talking to him was like trying to pull words out of a stone statue.  
Jesse had sheltered himself from Hanzo completely, not allowing words or actions of affection reach his hardened heart.  
  
_I read the script but I just can't recite the lines_

  
"I love you."  
Hanzos voice sounds scratchy, it was more of a plead than a statement.  
He was trying desperately to communicate with his partner, but every effort was fruitless.  
Jesse always seemed to hesitate in response to these three words, as if trying to avoid them as much as he could. That was simply the result of lacking affection towards his partner.  
  
_So get on with your life_  
  
And this was their day to day routine.  
Their life together.  
As _"lovers"_.  
Avoiding each other, fighting and ignoring how their state was getting worse every second they spend together.  
  
_cause we're just wasting time_

**Author's Note:**

> They're better off alone


End file.
